


We'll Be Fine

by wartransmission



Category: Free!
Genre: AU, M/M, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 00:04:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1166217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wartransmission/pseuds/wartransmission
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a universe where giving your heart away is as much a literal act as a metaphorical one, Makoto worries about what it means to be the one to hold onto his best friend's glass heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We'll Be Fine

Makoto is five years old when his mother explains what an outer heart is.

 

"An outer heart is different from the heart inside you," she says as she pokes at his chest, to which he giggles in amusement and she smiles, "because it isn't a permanent part of you. It's yours, but you can give it away to someone you trust. It's something you treasure, because while it might not remain with you forever, it's still something that is purely you."

 

"Then, mama," Makoto asks, looking curiously at his heart that she held in her hands, "why would you give it away if it's you?"

 

"Because it's a way for you to show that you love someone," she explains, before opening her palms so he can clearly see the little pillow-like heart in her hands. She smiles and nods to him, a signal for him to touch the heart, to which he stifles a gleeful sound before reaching out and lightly feeling the softness of it. "I gave daddy mine because I love him very much," she says.

 

"Oh," Makoto nods in understanding. He smiles and sits himself down in front of his mother, still feeling around the curves of his heart, before he makes an odd sound in remembrance and asks, "Why does Haru-chan's heart look different?"

 

"You saw Haru-kun's heart?" She asks abruptly, startling Makoto into looking up at her in surprised confusion. She clears her throat in embarrassment, before asking more calmly, "Haru-kun let you see his heart?"

 

"Mmhmm!" Makoto says with a grin and a nod. "It's really pretty! It looks like it's made of glass and it shines a blue light sometimes for no reason. Haru-chan didn't like it at first, since it looks like it could break easily, but then his Grandma said something really smart and he started liking it."

 

"Oh, I see," Makoto's mother says, nodding to herself in thought. "But, Makoto," she says eventually and he looks up, blinking sleepy green eyes at her, "you shouldn't just show your heart to anyone, okay? It's not that it's bad to show it," she adds quickly when Makoto starts to look worried, "but you usually just show it to people you really love and trust."

 

"Then it should be fine if Haru-chan sees mine, right?" He asks, using his puppy dog eyes to persuade her as he clasps both of his hands in front of his chest. "Since Haru-chan is my best friend, and I trust him a lot! It's okay, right mama?"

 

"My," she laughs, before closing her hands around his little pillow heart. "It should be fine. You already saw Haru-kun's heart, after all."

 

He shouts happily at that before jumping into his mother's arms. His mother laughs at the sudden embrace and hugs him back, her one hand freed so she can wrap her arm around his small waist. "You're very cute, Makoto," she hums as she presses a kiss to his forehead.

 

"Ehh," he whines, though he ends up laughing when his mother nuzzles her nose into his temple. "That tickles!"

 

"Makoto has very soft hair," Makoto's mother says in turn, laughing when Makoto makes a cute little scrunched up face in response. "Just like mama."

 

"Mama has really pretty hair," Makoto agrees with a happy nod. He smiles as he starts to toy with her locks, before saying, "Does mama think Haru-chan will like my heart? I really like his, but maybe...maybe he'll think mine is boring."

 

"Of course he'll like it, Makoto," she gently insists as she takes his hand, before clasping her hand (which has his heart) around his. Makoto cocks his head in confusion when she does so, before blinking in realization when he sees that the heart is in his palm. She adds, "Your heart is very pretty too, and I'm sure Haru-kun would like how fluffy it is."

 

"Mm," Makoto nods thoughtfully, before looking back down at his heart, which is only just as large as the palm of his hand.

 

He can only hope that Haru will like it, though he doesn't really expect much. Haru isn't the type to care about these things, after all.

 

 

\------

 

 

"It's fluffy," is Haru's first observation when Makoto shows him his outer heart, which he only notices because Makoto puts it into his hands.

 

"Isn't it?" Makoto agrees with a happy smile, rocking on his heels as he clasps both of his hands behind his back. "Does Haru-chan like it?"

 

"Mm," Haru makes a sound in answer, not once looking up from Makoto's heart as he continues gently squeezing it.

 

_Yes._

 

Makoto can't stop smiling for the whole day after, which is why his face ends up hurting a lot. It's worth it, though.

 

 

\------

 

 

Makoto is ten when he finds out that friends can be heartkeepers.

 

He only figures it out because he happened upon one of his father's books on outer hearts, which was sitting innocently enough on the kitchen counter. Then again, maybe he had meant to leave it there for Makoto to find? Papa did know that he likes books a lot.

 

It had said that there were moments, be they not often, that people choose to leave their hearts with their friends instead of finding a lover to do it. Friends were the first choice mostly because they could be trusted to take care of the hearts, though there were times that they ended up falling in love with the hearts along the way. Seeing as they were both boys, Makoto thought, maybe it would be fine if he asked Haru if he could take care of his?

 

"Haru-chan?" Makoto calls to him as he enters the living room, only to find Haru sitting on his haunches outside while playing with the kittens in the neighborhood. Makoto smiles at the scene and makes sure to be careful as he nears them, before slowly crouching beside Haru on the floor and reaching a hand out to lightly pet one of the white-furred kittens on the head. "Kittens are really cute, aren't they?"

 

"Mm," Haru hums noncomittantly, even though he looks quite satisfied with playing with the black kitten in front of him.

 

"Ne, Haru-chan," Makoto begins tentatively, flushing a bit in embarrassment when his words make Haru turn his gaze to him. He swallows despite how dry his throat feels. "Could I take care of your heart? The outer one, I mean, obviously," he remedies, stifling any more embarrassing statements by biting on the inside of his cheek. Embarrassing! Why did he have to make such a fool out of himself? "Th-though I guess that's a stupid idea, huh?"

 

Haru is silent for a moment, before he shrugs lightly and turns his attention back to the black kitten pawing at his knees. "I don't mind."

 

Makoto lets out a relieved sigh at that, a hand coming up to cover his chest as he breathes out. "That's great, Haru-chan," he says with a wide smile, letting his hand grip onto his shirt to keep himself from blurting anything weirder than his initial request. "Do you think grandma would allow it?"

 

"She likes you," Haru says simply, looking up at Makoto with a gaze that makes him feel like he's transparent, laid open for Haru to read as though he were a book. It doesn't feel scary to him, for some reason; it makes him feel like he doesn't have anything to hide when he's with Haru.

 

"That's not enough of a reason, though," Makoto says, voice coming out a mumble as he turns his attention to the kitten in front of him. "I guess we'll just have to see if grandma will let me."

 

"Don't worry too much," Haru says, something teasing in his tone, to which Makoto huffs in annoyance.

 

"It's not like I can help it," Makoto says in reply, eventually giving up and moving to the house so he can sit down right by the floor's edge. He smiles when the white-furred kitten he'd been petting follows after him, and he pets it lightly on the head. "I can understand if grandma doesn't want to, since Haru's heart is really precious."

 

 _As if Makoto's isn't,_ Haru thinks when Makoto look at him. Makoto hides a smile with his hand when he understands the annoyed look Haru sends his way, though evidently, he doesn't hide it as well as he thinks when Haru sends a small embarrassed frown his way.

 

Grandma, surprisingly enough, puts Haru's glass heart in Makoto's hand when Makoto eventually finds the courage to ask for her permission. She looks like she had expected it from the knowing smile on her face and the gentle way she closed his fingers around the palm-sized heart, though he couldn't understand why she'd smile that way for him.

 

He can't bring himself to ask, as much as he wants to.

 

 

\------

 

 

Makoto's mother is shocked when he brings the heart home, her worry painted all over her face as she kneels down to his height. "Makoto, honey, why do you have that?"

 

"Mama, calm down," Makoto's father says from behind her, an amused smile on his face as he crouches beside her and pats her on the shoulder with a comforting hand. "Makoto," he begins, moving his hand from his wife's shoulder to Makoto's smaller one, "why do you have Haru-kun's heart with you?"

 

"I asked him for it," Makoto says determinedly, both of his hands clasped around the glass heart as he keeps it close to his chest. "Friends can be heartkeepers too! I read it from Papa's book."

 

"I thought so," his father says with a soft laugh. "And Haru-kun's okay with it?"

 

"Yes! And grandma said that she's sure I'd take good care of it, so it's okay."  He turns to his mother, his smile making way for a small worried frown as he asks, "Does Mama want me to return it?"

 

"No, dear, of course not," she says with a gentle smile, one of her hands reaching out to to brush away the hair falling in his face. "I was just worried. I thought that, well, you might've taken Haru-kun's heart without asking him for his permission."

 

"I wouldn't do that!" He insists quickly, "That would hurt Haru-chan, and I don't want that."

 

"I know that now, Makoto," she says. She smiles, before reaching a hand out to pat him on the head. "Make sure to take good care of Haru-kun's heart, okay?"

 

"Yes!" He says, a grin on his face as he presses the heart a little closer to his chest, right where his real heart would be.

 

He'd take good care of it, and Haru would be happy when he sees it again. Makoto would make sure of it.

 

 

 

\------

 

 

“You want mine?” Makoto asks, blinking in confusion at Haru. He’s only just gotten his outer heart from his drawer to show to Haru again, because he had thought that Haru would like to. He hadn’t thought that Haru would mean it in another sense.

 

“It’s fair,” Haru says, as though that explains everything. He gives Makoto an expectant look, and Makoto sighs.

 

“Well, if Haru really wants it,” Makoto ends up saying, a small smile on his face as he sets the pillow-like heart in his hands. He uses both of his hands to close Haru’s hands around it, a red tint on his face as he bows his head and says, “Please take care of it, Haru-chan.”

 

“I will,” Haru says in a serious tone. Makoto grins as he looks up, and Haru gives a little smile of his own back.

 

 

\--------------

 

 

He's twelve when he realizes that what he's done might be something weird to other people. He had thought, since his parents had allowed it, and Haru hadn't minded, that it would be fine.

 

"I wouldn't show my heart to you guys, no offense," Rin tells them, an amused smile on his face as he dries off his hair dripping with water. "I mean, wouldn't it be more romantic if the first person who saw it was your chosen person?"

 

Ah, Makoto thinks to himself, sucking in a breath as he turns his head away. Did Haru think so too?

 

"I guess," Makoto says, forcing on a smile when Rin turns to grin at him in approval.

 

"What about you, Haru? You probably haven't shown yours to anyone yet, right?" Rin needles while nudging Haru with an elbow. Haru huffs in annoyance and avoids the nudging by moving away from him.

 

"I have," Haru says in a clipped tone. He doesn't sound disappointed with that at all, and Makoto breathes out a sigh of relief.

 

"Eh? Seriously?" Rin asks, the surprise written all over his face as he leans in to judge the truth in Haru's words. He pauses, before backing away with a laugh. "Parents don't count, though."

 

"I wasn't talking about my parents," Haru says, head turned away as he dries his hair off. _Obviously_ , he doesn't say; Makoto stifles a laugh when he notices the annoyed look on Haru's face.

 

"Ehhh? Who was it?" Rin persists in asking again, before making a surprised sound when Nagisa all too suddenly hugs him from behind. "Don't do that!"

 

"It's fun to surprise Rin-chan, though!" Nagisa exclaims, looking proud of himself even as he pulls away from Rin. He turns to Makoto when Rin becomes too occupied with grumbling under his breath, and asks, "What were you talking about, Mako-chan?"

 

"Ah, Rin was just saying that he wants the first person to see his heart to be his chosen one," Makoto says, smiling when Nagisa "ooh"s in interest.

 

"That's sweet, Rin-chan," Nagisa says, grinning as he bounds over to his locker to get his clothes. "I'd like that too, actually! What about you, Mako-chan?" He asks, looking up at Makoto as he ties his towel around his waist.

 

"I guess it is sweet," Makoto agrees, albeit doing so hesitantly when he notices Haru's intense gaze on him. He turns his head away, trying not to let it affect him as he adds, "But I don't mind if it doesn't happen that way. It's hard to know if someone is your chosen one, isn't it?"

 

"That's true," Rin agrees as he finishes pulling on his pants. "Still, I'll wait for the right time to show mine. Anyway," he trails off, turning his gaze from Haru to Makoto, "do you know who saw Haru's heart first? He's being stubborn and won't tell me."

 

"It isn't my place to tell, though," Makoto says, trying not to look too fidgety as he continues drying his hair.

 

" _Fine,_ you spoilsports," Rin huffs, looking annoyed. That is, until another grin forms on his face. "What about you, Makoto? Did someone see yours already? Besides your parents, obviously."

 

"Yes," Makoto admits as he finishes drying off his hair, before making a surprised sound when Rin bounds on him with an arm wrapped around his shoulder. "Wh-what is it?"

 

"Who was it? Tell me," Rin pesters, grinning as he pulls Makoto close. "You wanna know too, right Nagisa?"

 

"Yeah! Tell us, Mako-chan!" Nagisa insists. Makoto, inevitably, ends up getting flustered over the question.

 

"It was Haru," he ends up saying, sighing to himself when Rin and Nagisa make surprised expressions in response. He smiles in apology when Haru gives him a look, though all Haru does in reply is turn away to pull his pants on.

 

"You two are really close, huh?" Rin says, looking as though he's implying something when his gaze darts from Haru to Makoto. "Then, would I be right in my guess if I said that you saw Haru's first too?"

 

Makoto bites his lip, peeking at Haru for an answer, though that's a useless effort when Haru is turned away from him. Makoto breathes out, giving Rin a small smile as he says, "That's right."

 

"Then, then! Could I see Haru-chan's and Mako-chan's too?" Nagisa insists, looking excited as he finishes pulling on his shirt.

 

"No," Haru says, surprising both Makoto and Rin into looking at him. He had been quiet for so long that Makoto had thought that he wasn't listening, but apparently not.

 

"Ehh, but Haru-chan!" Nagisa whines, bumping his head into Haru's shoulder. Haru puts on an annoyed front, though he doesn't really push Nagisa away. Then again, perhaps he just thinks that it's too much effort to do so.

 

Makoto laughs, even though he feels a heavy weight starting to settle in his chest. Rin and Nagisa were definitely surprised that he was the first person to see Haru-chan's heart, even though his mother had said that it was fine. Was it weird and his mom just didn't want him to feel bad? Was it wrong?

 

Makoto couldn't help from worrying.

 

 

\------

 

 

"Rin?"

 

Rin jolts from where he is, his curled up form becoming tense with fear as he slowly turns his head to look up at Makoto. His tear-tracked face makes Makoto take a step back out of surprise, though he doesn't really move away. He didn't think he'd ever see Rin like this when he went out on a walk, though maybe it was meant to happen? It was always better to have someone there to comfort you whenever you're feeling sad, after all.

 

"I'm sorry I disturbed you," Makoto apologizes, though he doesn't make to leave. Rather, he sits on his haunches in front of Rin, patiently watching him as he wipes away the tears from his eyes. "What happened?"

 

"Something stupid," Rin says with a little broken laugh. Makoto feels his heart clench in his chest when he hears it, though he doesn't quite understand why. Still, he shifts closer to Rin, thinking perhaps that his company might help.

 

"You can tell me, if you want," Makoto offers, a sincere smile on his face when Rin looks up at him with a curious gaze.

 

"Just," Rin begins, sniffing, till he stops when Makoto offers him a tissue from his pocket. "Why do you have that in your pocket?" He asks, a hint of amusement in his smile as he takes it.

 

"It's not bad to be prepared?" Makoto says hesitantly, though he smiles when Rin laughs at him.

 

"You're so weird," Rin says, before blowing his nose into the tissue. He breathes in, before he says, "But I guess I'm pretty weird too, since I'm just...here, crying alone in front of a shrine."

 

"It is pretty weird that you're doing it here," Makoto agrees, and Rin laughs again.

 

"Shut up," Rin says, his tone a playful one instead of annoyed as he wipes at his teary eyes. "I guess I was crying for a stupid reason. My outer heart," he trails off, looking down into the space between his folded legs and his chest, "I don't know why, but when I checked on it again, there was a crack on it. I don't want to ask my mom about it, since she's already worrying about too many things on her own."

 

"Maybe we could go ask my mom?" Makoto offers, before pausing in contemplation. He eventually adds, looking sheepish in his smile, "Your chosen person won't be the first person to see your heart anymore, though."

 

"That sucks," Rin says with a little sniffle, before lowering his legs until his feet are flat on the ground. In Rin's clenched hand, Makoto sees a hint of what could be Rin's outer heart. "But I guess it's fine that it's just you. I don't think I'd like it as much if Nagisa saw it."

 

"That's mean, Rin," Makoto replies with an amused smile of his own. That smile falters when Rin starts to open up his hand and Makoto turns his gaze up, only to meet Rin's serious gaze with his own worried one.

 

"It's fine," Rin assures him, before lowering his gaze to his now open palm. There, in his hand, lies what looks to be a light-colored rock with little shiny pinkish-brown bits. "Here," Rin says as he traces along the edge of it. Makoto leans in, eyes squinting, until he finally sees the small crack right along one of the pinkish bits.

 

"It's not that bad," Makoto says, reaching a hand out to trace along the small crack. He freezes once he realizes what he's doing, before quickly moving away and pulling his hand back.

 

"Calm down, Makoto," Rin says with a small laugh, not at all looking offended when Makoto looks up at him. "I'm not going to get angry over something like that." He relaxes, leaning back, before turning his hand around a bit to better look at his outer heart. "It's not like mine is that pretty to worry about, anyway. Yours must be fluffy, right? Since you're so nice."

 

"It is sort of fluffy," Makoto admits, though he doesn't understand what that has to do with anything. Rin takes one look at him before laughing softly again, and Makoto frowns a little more in confusion.

 

"The heart usually represents who you are," Rin explains. "I'm a stubborn guy, so it might be why mine is a rock."

 

"Oh," Makoto says with a nod, before tilting his head to eye the shiny bits of Rin's outer heart. "Then, the pink bits represent your romantic side?"

 

Rin laughs at that, a grin showing on his face as he shrugs. "Maybe that's it."

 

"Well, I think it's pretty in its own way," Makoto says sincerely, though Rin ends up laughing when he hears those words from him. "Is there something wrong with what I said?"

 

"You don't just say that to another guy, Makoto," Rin says as he keeps on laughing, his hand occupied with a tissue moving to clutch at his stomach. "Man, no wonder you and Haru get along."

 

"What does that mean?" Makoto says, his expression a confused one as he looks up at Rin.

 

"You guys are both weird," Rin answers with a grin.

 

"Ehh," he mumbles, though he can't help from smiling anyway. Rin is happy, so it isn't that bad that he's being teased.

 

In the end, Rin goes home without ever having his outer heart checked on; not because they both forgot, but because Rin tells Makoto that it's fine already.

 

Makoto isn't too sure, but if Rin says so, then it should be fine.

 

 

\-------

 

 

Makoto finds out a few days after from his father's books, which he borrows occasionally whenever he's not busy with schoolwork, that broken or cracked outer hearts can heal on their own.

 

If worst comes to worst and the heart can't heal itself, though, the person who owns the heart or the person who's caring for the heart can usually use something else to cover the cracked part so it can heal over.

 

(Makoto hopes that he won't ever have to use that knowledge in his life.)

 

 

\------

 

 

Haru's heart stops glowing with its blue light sometime during their first year of middle school, and Makoto doesn't understand why. He wants to ask, to know what's wrong so he can figure out how to help, but he doesn't. He can't, because Haru isn't ready to tell him yet. All he can do is wait, as painful as it is to do so.

 

He can only hope that Haru will tell him someday.

 

 

\------

 

 

He's fifteen when he realizes that it's weird, _it's really weird_ , to have his best friend's heart instead of his own. It's weird for another boy to hold onto his friend's heart, as innocent as his intentions are, and it hurts to realize that. But he doesn't want to- he _can't_ return Haru's heart just yet, because it's not as pretty as it used to be. It grew dull after Rin left, its shine gone, and Makoto couldn't return it to Haru with it being in that state. He had promised to himself that he wanted Haru to be happy when he got it back, didn't he?

 

"Yo, Tachibana, a lot of girls like you, right?" One of his classmates asks, bringing him back to reality as he blinks in confusion at the question. "Do you have anyone you want to give your heart to yet? We've already got our sights set on someone, especially this kid here," he says with a grin as he playfully ruffles the hair of the boy next to him.

 

"I don't," Makoto says, hesitant, and his classmates whine in response. "Is...is something wrong with that?"

 

"Don't tell me you're the type to wait for the right one to come?" Another classmate asks.

 

"There's nothing wrong with that," the boy who had his hair ruffled says with firmness. "You guys are just lame and don't have a romantic bone in your body!"

 

"Ehh, you're the only romantic one out of all of us," the first classmate who spoke up says. "The majority still wins, Keisuke!"

 

"You're such a brat, Akira," Keisuke grumbles in response, to which they all laugh.

 

"Um, I think I should go," Makoto interrupts when he sees Haru waiting for him by the doorway, having already finished talking with the teacher about who knows what. His classmates all stop in their antics as they turn to him with put-out looks. He smiles sheepishly and says, "I'm really sorry, but-"

 

"Yeah, yeah, we know that Nanase's the only person you're waiting for," Akira says, an amused grin on his face as he slaps Makoto on the shoulder. "Whatever, man. You'll lose all of your admirers if you keep that up."

 

 _I wouldn't mind_ , Makoto doesn't say as he leaves. Haru gives him a look when they both head out for the rooftop, his expression similar to whenever he feels that Makoto is being too obvious about his feelings. "It's nothing," he tells Haru, even when he feels the cold starting to wrap around his hands and nape. Haru looks annoyed at the lack of a proper answer but he doesn't push, instead choosing to turn his attention away.

 

As hard as it is to hide his problems from Haru, he still has to try. He _has_ to, because he's already done so many things wrong in taking care of Haru's heart and he doesn't want to make Haru feel even worse. He still needs to bring Haru's heart its shine back, to make him happy again, and he still hasn't found the right thing to do for that. Haru's heart is different from all the hearts that Makoto has read about and, as painful as it is to admit, he's starting to grow desperate because he doesn't know how to fix it. He wants to help so _badly_ , but why can't he?

 

What use was it to hold onto Haru's heart like this, to endure all this guilt from knowing that it was weird, he was _weird_ (just because Haru wasn't a girl, and neither was Makoto), when he couldn't find a way to make things better? What use was it to swallow the sick feeling he gets in his stomach whenever he remembers that he _does_ want Haru's heart, he _does_ want to keep it, even though he knows that Haru is a boy? What use was it, when Haru still isn't happy?

 

What use was it to hide behind a smile all the time, when it didn't change anything for Haru?

 

 

\------

 

 

Makoto is sixteen when he gets used to it, the sick feeling that had always bothered him, and he grows up. He realizes that it doesn't matter, wanting to keep Haru's heart the way that he always has, because Haru doesn't mind. He hasn't minded in all the years that Makoto has known him, so why should it bother him now? It wasn't like either of them had done anything wrong when all they chose to do was hold onto each other's hearts.

 

"Makoto," Haru calls to him, breaking him out of his contemplative state. "You're staring."

 

Makoto smiles sheepishly at being caught. "Sorry, Haru. It's just- here," he says, before reaching out to remove the rice that had been hanging in a distracting way on the corner of Haru's lips. He pops it into his mouth without much thought, before going back to eating from his own food. Haru doesn't look concerned about the gesture at all when Makoto looks up at him mid-bite, and he smiles.

 

Makoto is sixteen when he realizes that he loves Haru more than he's loved anyone else; though when he thinks about it, that's never really been anything new to him.

 

 

\------------

 

 

"It's possible for friends to be each other's heartkeepers in case they feel their hearts aren't safe enough with themselves," Rei starts explaining while they're taking a break from their training, catching Makoto's attention enough that he looks up at him.

 

"Wouldn't that be weird, though? Since you're supposed to give it to your most precious person," Nagisa says. Makoto turns his head away at those words and looks down, only to have his gaze met by Haru's as he finishes his lap.

 

"You're worrying about it," Haru says simply. Makoto's smile falters at that, though he manages to pull Haru out of the pool anyway.

 

"I just thought about it, Haru," Makoto says to try and dissuade Haru from saying anything more. "It's really fine."

 

"What's fine?" Nagisa chirps, surprising Makoto enough to make him yelp. "Ne, Mako-chan?" Nagisa asks with a wide smile and an expectant look.

 

"It's nothing important, Nagisa," Makoto says with a weary sigh, releasing Haru's hand from his hold as he turns to face Nagisa and Rei. "What were you two talking about, anyway?" He asks, mostly as a distraction instead of actual curiosity.

 

"I was explaining the mechanics of exchanging outer hearts to Nagisa-kun," Rei says with a proud smile while pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Would you also like to listen, Makoto-senpai?"

 

"Sure," Makoto agrees, smiling as he sits with his legs folded in front of him, the space he's occupying right across from Rei. "Do you want to join in too, Haru?" He asks, not at all expecting Haru to say yes. Haru isn't the type to enjoy listening to things like outer heart exchanges, after all. And yet, for another rare moment, Haru surprises him by nodding yes in response.

 

 _Why?_ He thinks, though he doesn't let his confusion show on his face as he turns to Rei, though he can't help from noticing as Haru sits beside him.

 

"As I said," Rei begins, "outer heart exchanges can also be done by friends. The concept of them being only given to lovers is just one of the mores perpetuated that make exchanges between friends odd. While it does happen occasionally that the friend holding the heart falls in love with the heart's owner or vice versa, it's still not an occurrence that happens often. That is to say, it's possible to maintain a platonic relationship with the friend you choose to give your heart to. Also, choosing to give your heart to a friend is more often a course of action chosen by people who feel that they cannot care for their hearts on their own."

 

"What if both friends choose to exchange hearts?" Haru asks, making Nagisa, Rei and Makoto turn to look at him in surprise. Haru frowns. "What?"

 

"I'm surprised that Haru-chan cares enough to ask!" Nagisa exclaims, earning a grumble of annoyance from Haru in response. "Ne, what about it, Rei-chan?" Nagisa asks as he turns to Rei, who blinks himself out of his surprised state.

 

"Well," Rei trails off in contemplation, "if they choose to do it not because of romantic intentions, then perhaps it's because they feel that they could better care for the other's heart instead of caring for their own? It's...a rather odd question, to be honest. I think I could give a better reason if the situation were expounded on, though."

 

"But how could it not be because of romantic intentions?" Nagisa asks with a frown. "I could understand it if only one of them gave the other person their heart, but doesn't it usually mean that they like each other when they exchange hearts?"

 

"That depends on their case, Nagisa-kun," Rei argues gently. "Perhaps they are under circumstances which are different from the norm."

 

"I don't get what you mean, Rei-chan," Nagisa whines, all while nuzzling into Rei's shoulder. Rei becomes flustered at the gesture but doesn't push Nagisa away, the scene a similar one to whenever Nagisa does the same to Haru, which is why Makoto can't help from laughing a bit.

 

"Ah, I made Mako-chan laugh!" Nagisa exclaims all too suddenly, making Makoto stop in his laughter out of surprise. "You were looking down a while ago, you know," Nagisa explains, his smile a gentle one, until he pouts and adds, "Don't think I don't notice you when you're feeling sad, Mako-chan!"

 

"Aah, I get it," Makoto says, smiling a sincere smile this time as he looks at Nagisa. "I'm sorry for worrying you, Nagisa."

 

"Don't apologize for something like that, Mako-chan," Nagisa huffs. "Oh, but," Nagisa says, turning to Haru this time with a curious look, "why did Haru-chan ask that, anyway?"

 

"I'm curious to know the reason for it as well, actually," Rei admits, looking mildly embarrassed at prying as he turns to look at Haru. "Would it be alright to ask about it, Haruka-senpai?"

 

"I don't mind," Haru says, looking indifferent to being asked as he, perhaps unknowingly, leans into Makoto's space. Makoto feels the heat crawling underneath his skin in an uncomfortable way, as it does whenever a topic he doesn't particularly like is being talked about, though he doesn't make a move to stop Haru.

 

And yet, when Haru glances at him, he stops. Makoto doesn't understand why he does if he really wants to tell Rei and Nagisa about it- although that's a lie, isn't it?

 

The reason is him, after all.

 

"Maybe some other time," Haru settles for saying, which gets him a whine from Nagisa and an understanding yet curious smile from Rei.

 

(Would Makoto still have Haru's heart when that time comes?)

 

 

\-------------

 

 

Haru's heart starts to glow again when Makoto takes it out of his drawer, this time. He'd gone home after the festival, tired but happy, having wanted to check on Haru's heart just to make sure it didn't break anywhere, only to find that it was slowly starting to glow its usual blue light like it always would when they were younger. It's not the same blue yet because it's still faded out, which Makoto thinks is because of the long period of time it spent without its light, but it's definitely something.

 

Makoto cries, pathetic little sobs that he hides with his hands as he looks at the glass heart sitting inside his drawer. It feels like he's finally gotten rid of something heavy in his chest, and he feels lighter than he's ever felt before. He hadn't thought that the weight of Haru's heart in his care would be so heavy, though he wouldn't give it back despite that. He was just happy, relieved that Haru's light was returning, despite how slow it may be.

 

When he ventures to hold the glass heart in his hands, his hands so cold from relief and surprise, and presses it to his chest, he thinks he might understand how happy Haru feels from having opened himself up the way he did a while ago. He thinks he can understand, if only for a moment, what it feels like to be free.

 

 

\-------------

 

 

"Why?"

 

Makoto frowns at the question, before turning his gaze down to the glass heart sitting right in his hands. 'Why?' What was Haru asking? "I thought you'd want it back," he explains, hesitant, unsure of what Haru means to ask as he shifts in his place on the floor. He pushes his drawer back, shutting it in place, before carefully cradling the glass heart in his hands as he moves closer to the bed where Haru is seated. "Did I do something wrong with it?" He asks, feeling the trepidation slowly curling around his heart and squeezing. Had he cracked it without knowing it?

 

Haru makes a frustrated expression at his question, before he says, "Why are you giving it back now?"

 

"I thought," Makoto trails off, voice becoming softer as he grows more unsure, "I thought Haru would want it back now, since it's got its glow back. I didn't think I'd find a book on it but I did, and- and I learned that the blue glow means that you're happy. You are, aren't you? So I thought that, maybe, you'd want your heart back. It's not that I don't want to care for it anymore, because I do!" He insists, hating how his voice cracks when he says as much, "But wouldn't it be best for you to hold onto it now? Since you might find someone you want to give it to."

 

 _Stupid,_ Makoto hears, despite how Haru doesn't open his mouth to say it.

 

"Why am I being stupid?" Makoto says, trying not to let his grasp on the glass heart waver as he keeps it close to his chest. "I only wanted to give it back, Haru. It's not like you'd ask for it on your own, right?"

 

"Maybe because I don't plan on giving it to anyone else," Haru mumbles, looking away when he says so.

 

"That's because you just haven't found the right person yet," Makoto says with an exasperated sigh as he moves to sit on the bed beside Haru. Really, why was Haru being so difficult about this? Wouldn't it be better for him to hold onto his own heart?

 

"I don't plan on finding 'the right person'." Haru turns his head slowly forward until Makoto can see his profile, which is how he's graced with the sight of an embarrassed Haru. Makoto blinks at the sight, blinks again just to be sure, before stifling a smile when Haru looks up and glares at him. "Don't give me that look."

 

"S-sorry," Makoto says, choking back a laugh as he leans back on the wall beside his bed. "Okay, what if the right person finds you instead?"

 

"Same thing," Haru says, looking even more annoyed as he narrows his eyes at Makoto.

 

"I can't just take care of Haru's heart forever," Makoto groans, though he does so less in annoyance and more to annoy Haru.

 

"Why not?" Haru asks seriously, surprising Makoto enough that he physically leans away from Haru.

 

"Because I'm not your chosen person?" Makoto says hesitantly.

 

Haru raises an eyebrow.

 

"We're both boys, Haru!" Makoto exclaims, though he flinches when Haru glares at him. "That's not- it's not the normal thing to do-"

 

"I don't care," Haru says frankly, his expression that of a person who couldn't care any less for something. "You've already held onto it for so long. Why do I have to take it back just to give it back to someone else?"

 

"Because," Makoto says, frowning as he tries to think of an answer. "Because that's what people usually do, Haru."

 

"Then, what if I end up giving it to someone who'll break it?" Haru asks. Makoto's eyes widen in surprise at the suggestion, the mere thought of it making him clutch the glass heart closer to his chest.

 

"Then- then I'll help you find someone who'll take good care of it," Makoto ends up saying. Haru's frown deepens at that, and Makoto sucks in a breath. What more could he say? What more does Haru want?

 

He loves Haru, but he doesn't love him enough to ignore this. He loves Haru because he's his best friend, his childhood friend, his first friend who's remained by his side even after all those years, and he's only trying to do what's proper. Why couldn't Haru see that? Why was he being so stubborn? Makoto just didn't _understand_.

 

"I'm tired," _of arguing with you_ , Haru says, and Makoto feels his chest clench tightly in a painful way. Haru looks to him, his frustrated look replaced by a weary one as he glances at the glass heart still in Makoto's hands. _If you really want to let it go, why are you still holding it so closely to your heart?_

"I..." Makoto says, loosening his grip on the glass heart as he lowers it away from his chest. "I just thought that...that Haru would want it back, after everything that's happened."

 

"But I already have yours," Haru says, surprising Makoto into looking up at him. "Do you want yours back too?"

 

"No," Makoto says without hesitation. He realizes his mistake far too late when Haru raises an eyebrow in question, and he sighs. He shakes his head, his gaze lowered to the space between them on the bed as he says, "I'm sorry, Haru."

 

"What for?" Haru asks, though he looks like he already knows the answer to his own question. Makoto smiles wryly at that.

 

"I really want to keep Haru's heart," Makoto admits, to which Haru smiles a small amused smile. "But isn't that weird, Haru? We're both boys, and yet I..."

 

"Would I be weird if I felt the same?" Haru asks.

 

"Of course not," Makoto insists, though that's another mistake on his part when Haru scoffs under his breath in response. "I'm just," he tries to say, the frustration and weariness mixing into a complete mess until he feels the will to argue seeping out of him. He admits, his tone soft and unsure, "I'm scared, Haru."

 

"That's fine," Haru says, before moving closer to Makoto. He covers Makoto's hands with one of his own, which, somehow, results in his glass heart emitting a light blue glow. Haru raises an eyebrow at Makoto when he looks up at him, as though daring him to challenge his words.

 

"If Haru says so," Makoto says with a soft and tired laugh, letting himself lean into Haru's shoulder until his forehead meets with blue garment. It's something he hasn't done since he got out of kindergarten, because he had thought that depending too much on Haru would scare him away. Yet Haru doesn't push him away when he keeps close, Haru's only movement being that of his other hand as it covers Makoto's hands, not at all hiding the blue glow from his own glass heart as it remains in Makoto's grasp.

 

It'll be a long way before he stops being scared, but he- _both_ of them would find a way around it.

 

They'll be fine, somehow.

 

 

\------

 

 

"Makoto. Oi, Makoto!"

 

"Nnngh, five more minutes," Makoto moans, rolling over and completely hiding himself under his blanket as he ignores the wake up call.

 

"Wake the hell up, you big baby," the voice says again, though this time, it's accompanied by a rough tug on his blankets. He makes a surprised sound when it's tugged out of his grasp, making him open his bleary eyes to find the intruder on his sleep time. He finds Rin without much difficulty, his reddish hair a sharp contrast to his soft-toned walls.

 

"Welcome back to the world of the living, Mako-chan!" Nagisa says while bouncing on his bed, to which Makoto grunts in disapproval. "Come _on,_ Mako-chan! It's already eight in the morning, you know? Even Haru-chan left you alone on the bed so he could help your mom cook!"

 

"Ehh," Makoto mumbles, yawning as he rubs at his eyes to clear away the blurriness. To think that he'd be woken up so early when they stayed up late at night to play a game. Maybe he should've slept first after all, since he didn't play as much as Haru, Rin and Rei did.

 

"I didn't think that Makoto-senpai wouldn't be a morning person," Rei says, what looks to be a contemplative expression on his face as he remains standing by the foot of Makoto's bed. "That's surprising."

 

"Eh, why?" Makoto asks, stifling a yawn as he sits up on his bed. He stretches out his arms once he gets some sense of wakefulness back, making sure to keep his ears open despite how sleepy he still feels.

 

"You're very cheery most of the time, though not as much as Nagisa-kun is. Then again, perhaps a person's cheerful attitude isn't the criterion for being a morning person?" Rei says, his hand supporting his chin as he thinks on it. Rin scoffs in turn.

 

"Don't think too much on stupid things," Rin says with a sigh as he scratches the back of his head. "We should go before Haru finishes cooking everything. Ah, but don't let Nagisa and Makoto help. They'll probably ruin everything."

 

"That's mean, Rin-chan!" Nagisa exclaims, pushing against a laughing Rin as they leave Makoto's room. Makoto watches them go with a sleepy smile, easily forgetting how they'd been the ones to rudely wake him up from his peaceful sleep.

 

"Those two are so energetic," Makoto says with another soft yawn as he climbs off his bed. "Did you sleep well, Rei?"

 

"Of course, Makoto-senpai," Rei says, a smile on his face as he walks by Makoto's side to the dining room. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop them from waking you up the way they did, though."

 

"It's fine, really," Makoto says with a laugh and a dismissive wave of his hand. "It's better that I woke up, anyway. Haru would've just let me be because it'd take too much effort to wake me."

 

"Haruka-senpai would do that," Rei says with an amused laugh just as they enter the dining room. Haru raises an eyebrow at having his name mentioned, to which Makoto laughs.

 

"We were talking about how you wouldn't bother to wake me up because it'd take too much effort," Makoto says as he takes the seat closest to his father's. "Good morning, dad. Sorry I took so long," he says, a nervous laugh escaping him when his father gives him an amused smile in reply.

 

"That's fine, though I think you gave your friends a hard time waking you up," his father says, the amused smile still there even as he moves to take a sip from his cup of tea.

 

"It's fine, mister Tachibana!" Nagisa pipes up, cheery as ever as he sits in between Ran and Ren. The twins look far too happy with the arrangement, already whispering things to themselves and giggling as though they know something everybody else doesn't. Really, what did Nagisa say to those two? "We had fun waking Mako-chan up, anyway," Nagisa adds.

 

"Mmhmm, agreed," Rin says, grinning as he leans back into his seat, which is right beside Rei's. "For a guy with a fluffy heart, you're really hard to wake up, Makoto."

 

"Fluffy?" Nagisa asks instantly, his wide eyes turning to look at Makoto as he grins widely. "Mako-chan, your outer heart is fluffy? Oohhh, can I see it? You never let me see it when we were younger!"

 

"That's because you're not allowed to, Nagisa." Makoto sighs, though he smiles in amusement anyway. It's hard not to like Nagisa's excitable nature.

 

"Ehh? Why? I'm a close friend, aren't I? You trust me, don't you?" Nagisa says with a moue, his wide eyes still looking right at Makoto. Makoto struggles to remain firm, his own narrow-eyed gaze wavering, though that struggle is ended when Nagisa sighs loudly and turns to his twin siblings instead. "Ne, Ran-chan, Ren-chan, what does Mako-chan's heart look like?"

 

Ran and Ren turn to look at him then, both of their expressions similarly confused as they turn their gaze from him to Nagisa.

 

_Ah._

 

"Ah, Haru! Do you and mom need help?" Makoto exclaims abruptly, distracting Nagisa from his question as he looks over to the kitchen area.

 

"It'll be better if you stay where you are," Haru says frankly, making Makoto flush in embarrassment as he remembers their first attempt at cooking something together. He hadn't meant to be so clueless in cooking, honestly!

 

"Well _sorry_ for not being as good as you, Haru," Makoto mumbles, trying not to pout as he turns his attention back to the table, where Nagisa's attention is caught once more by both of Makoto's siblings.

 

"You don't know what Mako-chan's outer heart looks like?" Nagisa asks, his expression a similarly confused one as the twins. He turns to look at Makoto then, the question sure to come out of his mouth, and Makoto feels himself go cold. Nagisa asks, "Don't you have your heart with you, Mako-chan?"

 

"He doesn't," Makoto's father answers for him, a small smile on his face when he notices that he's caught everyone's attention with those words. "Isn't that right, Haru-kun?" He asks, turning his head just a bit to the side so he can look at Haru, who looks up from the stove to nod in answer.

 

"Haru-chan? Does Haru-chan have Mako-chan's heart?" Nagisa asks, voice progressively getting louder as he stands up from his seat. Rei and Rin are looking intently at him now too, their gazes full of questions just as much as Nagisa's.

 

"Uh," Makoto blinks, glancing up at Haru, who raises a questioning brow in response.

_Why are you trying to hide?_

 

"Nn," Makoto stifles a whine of discomfort, turning away from him to look at the others. "Yeah," he ends up saying, the words forced out of his mouth as he keeps his gaze lowered to the table. The occupants of the table, minus his father, descend into chaos, unsurprisingly enough.

 

"What the he- heck, Makoto!" Rin yells, looking indignant as he stands up from his seat. "Why didn't you tell us?"

 

"No one asked," Haru says from the kitchen.

 

"I wasn't talking to you, Nanase!" Rin exclaims, looking annoyed still when he turns his gaze back to Makoto. " _Seriously."_

"This," Rei begins, voice softer than everyone else's as he rubs at his chin in thought, "this would definitely explain Haruka-senpai's question to me before."

 

"Oh. Oh!" Nagisa yells at the epiphany, making Makoto wince at the volume of all their voices as he jumps excitedly in place. "So that's why Haru-chan asked about friends exchanging outer hearts! But- that was months ago, wasn't it, Rei-chan?" He turns to Rei, who nods in reply. "Then," Nagisa says as he turns his attention back to Makoto, "since when did you have each other's hearts, Mako-chan?"

 

"Since we were ten," Makoto says resignedly, covering his face with one hand as Nagisa and Rin make scandalized sounds at the notion that they'd exchanged hearts at such a young age.

 

"Mako-chan, you were both so young!" Nagisa says, looking oddly excited as he leans over the table to grab his attention. "Did you ask for Haru-chan's? How did it happen? Tell us, tell us!"

 

"Yeah, nii-chan! We want to know too!" Ran and Ren pipe up suddenly, having gotten over their confusion enough to get back into the flow of the conversation. "Tell us!"

 

"Isn't it weird? Hearing about stuff like this," Makoto says with a weary sigh as he looks to Nagisa and Rin, who in turn give him odd looks mixed with confusion.

 

"Well, it is pretty weird since you were both so young," Rin muses, slowly sitting back into his seat. "Then again, that might be why it was fine with both of you to exchange hearts even though you're both guys?"

 

"I don't think it's weird?" Nagisa offers with a contemplative expression, "Though I guess I feel kind of betrayed for not knowing for so long?"

 

“Not one of us knew about it, Nagisa-kun,” Rei says in a mumble, to which Nagisa whines in complaint. Makoto can only offer a nervous laugh at that.

 

"But, Rin," Makoto says, looking to Rin who raises an eyebrow in response, "you're not weirded out now? It's not like either of us changed genders."

 

"You worry about the stupidest things, Makoto," Haru interrupts as he exits the kitchen area to set separate bowls on the table along with a big bowl of rice. Makoto bites his lip at the light scolding, though he doesn't argue against it.

 

"That he does, doesn't he?" Rin agrees. Makoto makes a whining sound in protest at that, and Rin laughs. "Seriously, Makoto. You touched my heart and called it pretty, and you're telling me now that you're weirded out with the relationship you have with Haru?"

 

"He touched your heart?" Haru asks before Makoto can say anything, looking askance at both Makoto and Rin as he finishes setting the last bowl on the table. Ran and Ren, mischievous children that they are, make "ooohh" sounds in response.

 

"Don't be too jealous, Haru," Rin says with a leer. "He just touched it _a bit_."

 

Haru narrows his eyes at Rin at that. "You make it sound like he did something else."

 

"I really didn't, Haru," Makoto says with an exasperated sigh, before turning to make a face at Rin in annoyance. "Really, Rin, stop making it sound like we did something bad! I was just trying to comfort you when you were feeling sad, you know?"

 

" _Comfort_ , eh?" Nagisa says in a suggestive tone. Rei chokes back a laugh by covering his mouth with a hand, though he couldn't stifle his snort along with it. "Oh my god, Rei-chan!" Nagisa yells with a laugh.

 

"P-please be quiet, Nagisa-kun!" Rei yells, his voice becoming high-pitched on the last word. Nagisa laughs even harder.

 

"My, you boys are lively," Makoto's mother says as she sets down the plates full of food to go along with the rice. "It's a good thing that I made a lot, ne?"

 

"Thank you very much!" Rei immediately says along with Nagisa, with Rin giving a toned down version of the same words. Rei adds, looking sheepish, "We're very sorry for being so...rowdy in the morning, missis Tachibana."

 

"Oh no, it's fine," Makoto's mother says with a dismissive wave of her hand, to which Rei looks at Makoto with an amused smile. "I'm just glad that you all are getting along."

 

"Agreed," Makoto's father says with an amused laugh. "Kids these days are something else."

 

"You're not that old, papa!" Ran chirps from her side of the table.

 

"Yeah! You don't even have wrinkles or anything!" Ren agrees with a determined nod.

 

Makoto's father smiles in amusement at that. "I'm glad to know that I don't look as old, then."

 

"So, does this mean that Haru-chan's the wife?" Nagisa asks suddenly, making Makoto sputter in surprise just as he's getting rice for himself.

 

"No one is the wife, Nagisa-kun," Rei says with a sigh, before moving over to the right to give Haru room to sit beside Makoto. "They're both male, after all. It's wrong to assume that, just because they are together, that one of them would assume the role of a wife. If anything, they'd both be husbands."

 

"Please stop talking like we're not here," Makoto says as he passes the bowl of rice to Haru, who doesn't look particularly concerned about the jokes being shared at their expense.

 

"Think about it, though," Rin says, grinning as he adds to the conversation, "Makoto would probably just let Haru cook for him forever."

 

"It's better than letting him hurt himself in the kitchen," Haru comments, making Rin and Nagisa laugh out loud in turn.

 

"Really, Haru," Makoto whines as he takes an egg from the food plate to set on his own plate. "I wasn't that bad. _I_ wasn't the one who almost burnt the rice, in the end!"

 

"That was indirectly your fault, since you distracted me," Haru says.

 

"Oh? How did Mako-chan distract you, Haru-chan?" Nagisa asks, a suggestive grin on his face as he props his chin up with one hand.

 

"He-"

 

"Please just eat," Makoto interrupts, trying not to look too embarrassed even as Nagisa starts laughing at him.

 

Really. How did Makoto even doubt that things would go well when he had these sorts of friends?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Again, as is becoming the usual these two months, this is an entry to the [MakoHaru festival!](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com/) The prompt is "friendship first," though it's mostly a theme in a subtle way haha. If you liked this fic, I'd really appreciate it if you reblogged and/or liked the entry post that I'll add later!
> 
> Also, thank you very much for taking the time to read this! <3
> 
>  
> 
> [Here's the link to my contest entry!](http://makoharufestival.tumblr.com/post/75486548796/challenge-friendship-first-user-jadedgalvanizer)


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